I was so suppressed that I finally put a hijab on my head and got rid of oppression in a way.
A deep voice inside me always said that I should be the earnest person, but I wanted to be crazy. I had two different personalities as a result.
I had started to wear a headscarf at the age of 18—exactly 7 years.
It was too early to take this decision. When my personality began to settle, the person I saw in the mirror and I was very different. I looked for a job; the headscarf appeared as an obstacle to me. I couldn’t be a housewife; I finished a very hard-won degree in university. I took off the hijab, but I was only taking it off at work because of my mother’s pressure.
Imagine…
A 25-year-old woman goes out of the house every day, looking for opportunities to take off the headscarf on the street without getting caught by others because nobody knows at her office that she is veiled, and in the evening looking for secluded corners to wear the headscarf in the middle of the street. I was doing this only to prevent my mother’s blood pressure from coming off, but I was going to the ground every day. In this process, I met a man. Since he saw me veiled in our meeting, I was wearing the headscarf when I went to the city, besides him. He did not know that I was taking off the hijab at the office. I could not say because I was embarrassed.
Then I went abroad to get language training, on the last day I went to work. I came across with my colleague at the bus. I had to say hello.
He said, “Were you veiled, are you wearing the headscarf and taking off every day?” I don’t even want to remember.
Anyway, I went abroad. I was still wearing the hijab because my boyfriend was waiting for a photo of me every day. After all, he knew me as headscarved. I hated so much that now I wanted to burn all my headscarves. Before coming from the 4-month program abroad, I told my boyfriend that I could not get a job because of the hijab, and I proved it. He respected me; this was my highest chance. Because I love him so much, I couldn’t give up being with him just because to take my headscarf off, and if I hadn’t done this, I would have lived an unhappy life with him just because I was veiled.
I returned, and we took this step with him. My mother said lots of things, but I didn’t care anymore because I was tired of being suppressed. I would never succeed if I had to be veiled and then unveiled, but these two reasons are; losing what I love and not causing my mother to have a crisis.
Of course, there will be those who say you shouldn’t have, but with that psychology, one has to do it. My mother-in-law, father-in-law, brother-in-law, who saw me veiled many times before, I’m sure they were shocked, but they did not comment. Then they came to engagement, wedding, etc. We did it all. Finally, everyone accepted this situation.
I never leaned after taking this step; I was always upright. I put a photo of our happy moments on my Facebook and Instagram account for 600 people every two days. May anyone criticize as much as they want.
I am free now…
(Image: Selma Gürbüz)