According to my family’s mentality, I deserve to die.

Hello to everyone.

Let me start by introducing myself. I am a 20-year-old, alive and kicking young girl with high energy. I lived a bad incident 1 week ago; My aunt saw me unveiled at the hairdresser. I was keeping this as a secret. My family didn’t know that I was not wearing headscarf. My life has been upside down for 1 week.

No matter how I tell you, my father gave me 2 options; I will either stay in one of the congregation houses in the place where my university is located and continue to the university under the supervision of the women there with a ‘headscarf’ or stay at home and wait for my future husband. If there was a financial opportunity, I would escape directly from home, but according to my family’s mentality, I deserve to die. If I continue to stay at the congregation’s home, I will go to sleep with people in a disguise dress that I do not want, people with a religious understanding that I do not accept. If I stay at home, I’m going to be living death.

Now I’m asking the real question. Is this society and this mentality hostile to the female body that I have, or is it an enemy to me? My family is now in my eyes only people with whom I have a common bloodline, my relatives are enemies, my friends are inadequate.

I had all the beautiful dreams I wanted to live but now I desire to die. I’m waiting for the light in a really big and bottomless darkness. I wish I had the opportunity to create my own light, I wish…

(Image: Kathrin Honesta)

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