I started wearing a headscarf when I was 9 wishing “Maybe they would love me more from now on”.

I was born and raised in an overly conservative family. Because my family didn’t appreciate me, a daughter, I started wearing a headscarf when I was 9 wishing “Maybe they would like me more from now on”. I was actually right. Their attitude towards me changed in a positive way but I found myself trapped in my body as I grew older. Even though I was frightened, smothered by religious arguments like sins and hell throughout the years, I understood that I couldn’t live like that anymore. I started questioning first the religion which is practised under the name of Islam, later the Islam, later the concepts of religion and God on my own. I realised that the only thing that could make me free  is that process which I found terrible at the beginning. First, I started not to wear a headscarf when I was not with or around my family. When I turned 15, I faced them saying I couldn’t stand this anymore. It’s funny that they claimed that I’d covered my hair when I was 9 by my own will but ignored the decision I made when I was 15 years old. All of my family members said that they were ashamed of me. My father said that I wasn’t his daughter anymore and didn’t even look at my face. Sometimes, I wasn’t accepted to home, was made to wait for hours in front of the door, beaten and not given any money. I am 18 now and my family got used to it even if they are still angry at me. I used to be ashamed of being the child of that kind of people. However, I am looking at myself now and I am very proud of being liberated from the religion and the chains that they call morality. I am standing by all my sisters who are feeling trapped in their body, terrified and ashamed. Life is wonderful when you set yourself free.

(Image: René Gruau)

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